Today, cleo had her physiotherapy in the morning, which meant that there was no need to be around the ward at any time this afternoon. So, at about three pm, we were all sitting in cleos room, and I saw Matron. I said "I am going to take cleo home for a few hours if that's ok" She said "Good idea".
So, all four of us "escaped" from the hospital about 3.30pm and came home. We had no specific plans, but once home cleo said she would like some spaghetti. So, I made organic spaghetti, with a nice organic tomato and mushroom sauce, which we all enjoyed. That was probably the best meal cleo has eaten since the stroke; hospital food is ok I guess, but its not home cooked, and its pretty boring too.
Now, at the moment, the few times that cleo has come home even for those short times, it can be quite emotional for both of us. For her because it's where she really wants to be, and for me because i worry so much about her, and i don't want my inexperience in dealing with someone who has difficulties such as cleo does right now to cause her any harm. I know that she is trying so hard to prove she can do things, like walk a few steps, or stand on her own, and when she does i am afraid that something untoward might happen, like her falling and hurting herself. I have to admit that today, i shouted at her, because i felt she was trying to do too much, as we were walking into the kitchen. This caused her to cry, because she is trying so hard and I should not have snapped at her. We both ended up in tears. I suppose these things happen, but they don't make it any easier, that's for sure.
I know that when cleo is home over Christmas we will have the time alone to become more accustomed to doing things at a pace which suits us, and we will find ways to get over those obstacles. She is so precious to me, that i cannot bear the thought of anything else happening to her through my not doing something, or even by accident. If that were the case, i could never forgive myself.
Do You Regret...?
Once dinner was over, and we had loaded some of cleo's favourite music onto the new laptop for her to take back with her we got her back in the car, leaving the girls at home, and set off to return her to the hospital. On the way, cleo asked me an odd question: "Do you regret calling 999 for the ambulance that day?" "What else would I have done?" I asked.
She said that if I had not, she might not have spent the last month in the hospital, but could have got better at home. I am not sure what brought this question up, but i suggested that there was no way that could have happened. Thinking back over those first few days after the stroke when she could not move, hardly speak, and couldn't even swallow properly I pointed out that there was no chance of her making the recovery she had if she were at home.
I am not sure quite why I have related this conversation but as this blog is an attempt to faithfully report cleos Road to Recovery it seemed that it was important enough for her to have considered it, so, it's here.
Those Nails
As I reported yesterday cleo had her nails done yesterday. While she w
as at home tonight I took a quick picture, and here, for those interested are those same shooting star nails.They have certainly caused comments at the hospital. All the nurses seem to like them, and cleo enjoys the fact that people keep coming up to her and saying "Can I see those nails I have heard about?"
Right Here Waiting
written by Richard Marx
Oceans apart day after day
And I slowly go insane
I hear your voice on the line
But it doesn't stop the pain
If I see you next to never
How can we say forever
Wherever you go
Whatever you do
I will be right here waiting for you
Whatever it takes
Or how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you
I took for granted, all the times
That I thought would last somehow
I hear the laughter, I taste the tears
But I can't get near you now
Oh, can't you see it baby
You've got me goin' crazy
Wherever you go
Whatever you do
I will be right here waiting for you
Whatever it takes
Or how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you
I wonder how we can survive
This romance
But in the end if I'm with you
I'll take the chance
Wherever you go
Whatever you do
I will be right here waiting for you
Whatever it takes
Or how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you
Waiting for you
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