Day 15 - Message Sent

Where to start?
Today has been non-stop. Of course the whole focus of the day was the meeting with the consultant. Everything revolved around that, of course, but so much seems to have happened along the way. Mind you, not having slept this morning, and having been awake for nearly 36 hours it was probably good that it was a day like that. If I had stopped, I probably wouldn't have been able to keep going.

Home from work this morning and we had arranged a few weeks ago for a TV guy to come and install a new roof aerial, and run tv points into each room upstairs for the girls rooms, and ours. I also bought a couple of freeview digital tv boxes for hannah and Sarah, and they were going to be installed in each of their rooms. So, no chance to sleep after work, and they didn't finish till 1pm. Then it was into the shower, change and off to see cleo.

Ran into James the physio on the way to ward, and he said cleo was in the gym. I diverted to there and watched her going through her paces. James arrived soon after, and spent nearly an hour pushing her to get the paralysed muscles working. She still has nothing at all in her arm or hand, but there is a little coming back in her leg. Not enough to stand, let alone walk yet, but a definite improvement.

After physio, we returned to the ward, and cleo's brother had arrived. The consultant took us to a private room on the ward, and for over an hour we effectively grilled him, about all manner of things, many of which are highlighted in these pages. To some we got answers, to others we did not. However it was obvious he was slightly uncomfortable with this but we did not let go.

We were told that they really don't know what the prognosis is yet, in terms of recovery. What he did say was that for a stroke this dense, there is usually a net loss of some things: so arm or leg or both may well never be as they were. I think this brought it home to us that we may be looking rather longer term in the rehabilitation scale than we even originally thought. He talked about patients still having impairment after a year or more. I guess we always knew this.

I think that the most important thing which emerged this afternoon is the acceptance that cleo must be included in the discussions about all aspects of her treatment. We accept that the hospital is not a hotel, but by making the patient (who is after all the most important person in the care and rehabilitaion plan) aware of, and participate in their recovery at all stages, their focus and goals remain intact. If not, then they become isolated, and disillusioned, their morale dips, and they work less hard to achieve such potential for recovery as they have.

Within several minutes of the conclusion of the meeting there was a marked change in attitude from the staff. I genuinely believe that by bringing these concerns to the consultant's attention he became aware of some shortcomings within the ward. It appears these are being addressed immediately. No bad thing. Staff nurse has suggested that I could be "trained" to helpcleo transfer from chair to bed, bed to chair, onto the toilet etc. In light of the meeting they are wary of me taking her to the toilet right now. Once i have been shoen "how" then I can help by taking the time she needs without causing a drain on the time of the rest of the staff. This i am happy to do, and cleo trusts me more than any nurse not to let her fall.

Because of the meeting the girls did not visit today, although i phoned them at their dads when i got home. Cleo and I have decided (again after speaking with the consultant) that it would be better for the family if they came back to me in the week. That we will discuss with the girls tomorrow, and I am certain they will want to stay here at home. Their father can have them at weekends when I work(they usually stay with him weekends anyway), but through the week they will be at home with me.

That decision alone lifts a great weight off my shoulders.

We wandered to the cafe, and bought coffee, chatted alone for a good while, and discussed the possibility of cleo being at home, even in a wheelchair. I feel that our resolve is better now. We are realistic as regards the outcome, and the amount of recovery that is possible. Come what may, we know that we will get cleo home, whenever that may be.

I also gave her back her mobile phone. Since then i am inundated with text messages, when in reality she should only send me one or two a day. Communication between the two of us is vital, especially while we are apart; we have missed this the last couple of weeks. I can even now see the smile on her face as she sends another text to me. I know we are not supposed to take phones to the hospital, but frankly, even the nurses say that there is precious little equipment in a stroke ward that can be affected by phones, and I have to balance this rule bending against cleo's well being as a result.

No Contest!!

By 7.30 I was falling asleep, and drove home, happy, and contented with our afternoon's achievement.

Amazed

Every time our eyes meet
This feeling inside me
Is almost more than I can take
Baby when you touch me
I can feel how much you love me
And it just blows me away
I've never been this close to anyone or anything
I can hear your thoughts
I can see your dreams

I don't know how you do what you do
I'm so in love with you, it just keeps getting better
I wanna spend the rest of my life with you by my side
Forever and ever
Every little thing that you do
Baby I'm amazed by you

The smell of your skin
The taste of your kiss
The way you whisper in the dark
Your hair all around me, baby you surround me
You touch every place in my heart
Oh, it feels like the first time every time
I wanna spent the whole night in your eyes

I don't know how you do what you do
I'm so in love with you, it just keeps getting better
I wanna spend the rest of my life with you by my side
Forever and ever
Every little thing that you do
Baby I'm amazed by you

Every little thing that you do
I'm so in love with you
It just keeps getting better
I wanna spend the rest of my life with you by my side
Forever and ever
Every little thing that you do
Oh, every little thing that you do
Baby I'm amazed by you