Day 21 - Reflections

I have spent a while today reflecting on the last three weeks, since cleo suffered the stroke. I don't think the enormity of it all has hit me until now, because we had all been so immersed in the actual mechanics of organising, visiting, trying to get some normality back, and looking after kids etc etc, as well as the emotional roller coaster that it has been.

I think the fact that cleo sees a light at the end of tunnel now has relaxed her somewhat, and me too. This relaxation has meant that the girls are also less stressed, and from Monday they will be back at home with me, where they belong, and that too is good.

I understand that some things will likely never be quite the same, but if truth be told I intend for cleo to be as close to how she was before as is possible. It is no good at all accepting the possibility that one might always be in a chair, or may never have use of the arm again. What is important is to set goals, and to fight to achieve those. Two days after the stroke I feared that we may never even hear cleo talk properly again, but that was unfounded (can you EVER stop a woman from talking? I doubt it!). Her progress is remarkable, and this leads me to believe that she will walk again. I also believe that in time the use of her hand and arm will return, and while it may be a painful and frustrating road, we have no choice but to travel down it, and to overcome whatever obstacles we find along the way.

The constant that binds cleo and I, and which has enabled us to do all the things we have done since we met, and which will, i am sure, give us, and especially her, the strength to see this through is our incredible love for each other.

I have talked about the love we share before but I cannot stress enough the power of that love. When I see her, my heart jumps, and when she hurts I hurt, when she is happy, I am too. We are symbiotic: mutually beneficial to each other. I cannot imagine my life without her now, which is probably why I was so scared when I had this awful thought that I may have to do without her. Thank goodness that is not the case now.

I collected the kids from their dad's this afternoon, and we all went to the hospital. Cleo was in fine form, and as I said the fact that she can look forward to a few hours at home tomorrow made her all the more relaxed. It will be wonderful to bring her home, and just sit at the kitchen table, drink a cup of tea, and be ourselves. I know the kids are looking forward to it too, and there are plans to put up christmas decorations. I did go rather mad last week, and bought a 6ft tree for the lounge, which presently stands outside the back door, and which we have to find space for. I am sure we will.

The good wishes that all our family and friends have sent us has meant so much too. Friends all too often are not there when you really need them. That has certainly not been the case of late.
Every day I have received cards, mail, and phone calls from people, not only in the UK, but around the world who know us. Their good wishes have made a difference, and I trust that they know that.

Cleo and I thank each and every one of you for your help and support.

Unchained Melody.

Oh my love my darling
I've hungered for your touch
A long lonely time
And time goes by so slowly
And time can do so much
Are you still mine
I need your love
I need your love
God speed your love to me

Lonely rivers flow to the sea to the sea
To the open arms of the sea
Lonely rivers sigh wait for me wait for me
I'll be coming home wait for me

Oh my love my darling
I've hungered hungered for your touch
A long lonely time
And time goes by so slowly
And time can do so much
Are you still mine
I need your love
I need your love
God speed your love to me