Days 186 to 189 - Look Out Schumacher!

CLEO had spoken previously about getting a small electric scooter to help with shopping (as mentioned in the blog here a couple of weeks ago). Well, today we went to a different shop to get some groceries and this particular shop has them for the use of disabled customers. We duly acquired one and it placed a whole new slant on shopping.

The one thing cleo dislikes about being in the wheelchair is that she can only go where someone pushes her, and can't wander off to look at something that might catch her eye at a moment's notice. In a self propelled scooter this is totally different: complete independence!

We were going round the shop, and i kept looking round to find she had gone off, looking at stuff, all on her own. For cleo I know it was a completely different experience, and one which made her feel very much more independent. This afternoon has definitely made our minds up that we will get one of these scooters after the handfasting, and I am sure it will be money well spent.

Asda on the other hand are still cleaning the tyre tracks of the aisles in their store, and installing armco crash barriers on all the corners, for next time.

Physio continues: James was working on cleos arm response today, in an effort to try and help with control of the muscles that cause the arm and hand to close up. It's really about time and concentration. I am sure that will happen.

He has also suggested we continue use of the treadmill at home, in particular to get better rhythm in cleo's walk. Allied to that walking in a "controlled" environment will enable her to concentrate on the way her heel lifts and is placed at the start and beginning of each step.

It's All Coming Back To Me Now....

There were nights when the wind was so cold
That my body froze in bed
If I just listened to it
Right outside the window

There were days when the sun was so cruel
That all the tears turned to dust
And I just knew my eyes were
Drying up forever

I finished crying in the instant that you left
And I can't remember where or when or how
And I banished every memory you and I had ever made

But when you touch me like this
And you hold me like that
I just have to admit
That it's all coming back to me
When I touch you like this
And I hold you like that
It's so hard to believe but
It's all coming back to me
(It's all coming back, it's all coming back to me now)

There were moments of gold
And there were flashes of light
There were things I'd never do again
But then they'd always seemed right
There were nights of endless pleasure
It was more than any laws allow
Baby Baby

If I kiss you like this
And if you whisper like that
It was lost long ago
But it's all coming back to me
If you want me like this
And if you need me like that
It was dead long ago
But it's all coming back to me
It's so hard to resist
And it's all coming back to me
I can barely recall
But it's all coming back to me now
But it's all coming back

There were those empty threats and hollow lies
And whenever you tried to hurt me
I just hurt you even worse
And so much deeper

There were hours that just went on for days
When alone at last we'd count up all the chances
That were lost to us forever

But you were history with the slamming of the door
And I made myself so strong again somehow
And I never wasted any of my time on you since then

But if I touch you like this
And if you kiss me like that
It was so long ago
But it's all coming back to me
If you touch me like this
And if I kiss you like that
It was gone with the wind
But it's all coming back to me
(It's all coming back, it's all coming back to me now)

There were moments of gold
And there were flashes of light
There were things we'd never do again
But then they'd always seemed right
There were nights of endless pleasure
It was more than all your laws allow
Baby, Baby, Baby

When you touch me like this
And when you hold me like that
It was gone with the wind
But it's all coming back to me
When you see me like this
And when I see you like that
Then we see what we want to see
All coming back to me
The flesh and the fantasies
All coming back to me
I can barely recall
But it's all coming back to me now

If you forgive me all this
If I forgive you all that
We forgive and forget
And it's all coming back to me
When you see me like this
And when I see you like that
We see just what we want to see
Al coming back to me
The flesh and the fantasies
All coming back to me
I can barely recall but it's all coming back to me now

(It's all coming back to me now)
And when you kiss me like this
(It's all coming back to me now)
And when I touch you like that
(It's all coming back to me now)
If you do it like this
(It's all coming back to me now)
And if we...

as sung by Celine Dion

Additional: Silver Lining

In light of cleo's post, I thought i would add some lyrics, which I have not done for a while....

Silver lining

You're everywhere and no-where baby,
That's where you're at,
Going down a bumpy hillside,
In your hippy hat.
Flying across the country,
And getting fat,
Saying everything is groovy,
When your tyres are flat,
And it's
(Chorus)
Hi-ho silver lining,
Anywhere you go now baby,
I see your sun is shining,
But I wont make a fuss,
Though its obvious.

Flasher in your pea soup baby,
They're waving at me,
Anything you want is yours now,
Only nothings for free,
Lies are going to get you someday,
Just wait and see.
Open up your beach umbrella,
While you're watching tv,
And it's
(Chorus)
Hi-ho silver lining,
Anywhere you go now baby,
I see your sun is shining,
But I wont make a fuss,
Though its obvious.

Hi-ho silver lining,
Anywhere you go now baby,
I see your sun is shining,
But I wont make a fuss,
Though its obvious.
Hi-ho silver lining,
Anywhere you go now baby,
I see your sun is shining,
But I wont make a fuss,
Though its obvious.

Days 171 to 174 - Gaining Confidence

Sometimes the biggest steps that are taken along the Road to Recovery go almost unnoticed. You don't realise that such progress has been made until it has actually happened. This last couple of days have been a little like that, for two reasons.

Naturally the weekend when I am at work every night doesn't leave us much time to be together but that does afford cleo some time to be with the girls when i am not, which is good for them.

While I am at work we tend to keep in touch via text messaging, although i will somethimes call home as well. Among the many swapped texts over the weekend i got one that said: "managed to do some knitting". Now that may not sound much but in the whole scheme of things right now this has to be a major step forward. While cleo has not gained any dexterity in her hand and fingers she seems a little more capable of controlling the up to now involuntary muscle tone to at least enable her to hold a knitting needle. Now getting that control is obviously a major step, and says much for the work that James has done these past few weeks, as well as the determination to improve that is so embodied within cleo's psyche.

We had to get some repeat prescriptions and a blood test for cleo so i made an appointment at the doctors today; that in itself was nothing out of the ordinary, but on the way back I pulled off the road into a private car park and asked cleo if she wanted to try driving the car, something she had not done since the stroke. We swapped places and although she was a little nervous at first she soon found that she could drive as well as before, although for driving on the roads we may have to have a couple adaptations fitted to aid use of the handbrake, and steering wheel.

We are going to get a new car this summer, a Nissan X-Trail we think, and we shall be ordering that afirly soon. The adaptations we need will be worked out at that time. We of course also have to inform the DVLA and the insurance companies about cleo's stroke before she can actually drive legally on the public highway, which if course we shall do as well.

The fact that cleo has the confidence to get back behind the wheel again also shows the progress she is making, and once we have the new car and it is properly adapted there is no reason why she will not drive again.

Days 169 & 170 Therapy, Therapy, Therapy

There are many kinds of therapy involved in the rehabilitation of patients from stroke: there is occupational therapy, physiotherapy, speech therapy, language therapy and many others provided by the healthcare professionals. All these have a greater or lesser effect on the recovery from the stroke depending on the person involved and the severity and kind of stroke which occurred.

In cleo's case there are other kinds of therapy too; the most significant of those being retail therapy. We love shopping. Today we organised a trip to a shopping centre to meet our friend Alan, and we spent an exhausting but enjoyable day going from shop to shop getting some things we needed for the handfasting in June, including my suit and various other bits and pieces. Now, of course, Alan is in a wheelchair, and so is cleo, so there we were, 3 of us, 2 chairs, and me pushing cleo. It is a measure of how we (cleo and I) have adapted to the problems inherent with wheelchairs and shopping trips that we still manage to get things done. Alan of course is used to it all and just takes it all in his stride (or his wheels I guess).

The final therapy for the day might be termed a kind of "shock therapy". Driving up the motorway to Essex to meet Alan we pass some major electricity distribution plants and the overhead cables always seem to affect the car radio. Now I drive this route to work and so am used to the extremely loud and sudden crackle that this causes on the car stereo, but cleo is not.

Several times on the journey both ways we passed under one of these cables and the radio suddenly emits a massive crackle of static which if you don't know it's coming is enough to make you jump. The first time cleo nearly left the seat, and two or three more times she actually winced as the noise of the static jumped out of the car speakers. Some form of electro-stimulation therapy that was !

Still all that said, we had a good day, and although tiring it was well worth it.

Prior to that we had physio this morning with James and he is still working on cleo's arm. I am convinced that he sees potential for improvement or he would not continue down this route. These things all take time, although I have to say that in the timescale of stroke rehabilitation which can often take years, cleo has made remarkable progress this last 5 and a half months, and I see no reason why that should not continue.

We also had an e-mail from the Different Strokes website who have seen this blog. They asked us to write a synopsis of the Road to Recovery for their survivors section and to include a link to this site. I shall write that in the next few days and submit it to them as soon as possible.

Fame at Last!.

Days 164, 165 & 166 - Life Goes On

We have been busy this last few days sorting some arrangements for the handfasting in june, as well as sorting monthly bills and all that horrible stuff that goes on regardless.

Cleo and I talked at some length about the way forward and the fact that we are becoming more "comfortable" with her inability to do certain things. Nothing is insurmountable and the simplest of achievements promotes huge smiles: like getting a cup of tea up and down stairs. Because she is till relatively unsteady on her feet cleo has been unable to get a cup of tea up the stairs unless it was made in a flask, but this week she suddenly discovered that by moving the cup one step at a time as she goes up each stair she can actually do this. Coming down is the same and once at the bottom of the stairs on the "flat" she can manage to carry the tea without spilling it. We take comfort in the fact that she is still alive, and her mental ability is unimpaired save the odd emotional glitch. We are still a family and life has returned to a normaility not unlike that which we had before 21st November. Of course some things are different and they probably always will be, but overall I believe we have adjusted well to the changes forced upon us all.

James too, in physio, has remarked about cleo's overall progress and is pleased with the results. He told us this week that when she left hospital she was beginning to develop what is known as "high muscle tone" in her arm. High tone is caused by a shortening of the muscle groups, effectively causing the arm and hand to appear "clawlike" as is the case with many stroke sufferers. Recently cleo has managed to overcome much of that, and while her arm is not functioning well yet it is far more relaxed than it was and the result of the relaxation is the arm looks far more "normal" than was the case two months ago.

James also told us that he has agreed with the CART team (remember them, abducted by aliens and all that?) that cleo should be discharged from their care (such as it was) and that he will continue to see her over the next few months. Once the time is right he will then refer her to Emma from the DART team again and as he supervises Emma hinself in the long term he can oversee the management of her rehabilitation.

For us this is probably the best thing. James is by far the most effective healthcare professional we have met since the stroke, and his enthusiasm, knowledge, experience and attitude has promoted much of the recovery that cleo has made. I would like to take this opportunity to personally thank james for all his hard work because without him we wouldn't be where we are right now.