Day 13 - A Rock and a Hard Place

Driving home this morning I was torn between going onto the hospital, or directly home. In the event I went home, because I am notoriously bad at getting up, and the later I get to bed the worse it is! A quick cuppa and sleep after my night's work (first one since the stroke).

I woke quite refreshed at about 2pm, and pottered about getting ready to visit the hospital. I should say here that I also take blood pressure tablets, and Hannah, at 11 years old feels it's her responsibility to ensure I take my tablets while mum is in hospital. She comes in from school before we go to visit cleo, and her first job is get the tablets ready for me. So afraid am I of incurring her wrath that I even sent her a text at her dads to tell her I had taken my tablets today.

Cleo was all smiles at the hospital when I arrived, and we chatted a while. She told me about the fall last night. She lost her balance in the toilet and fell on the nurse, pinning her to the floor. The nurse had to call out to get help. cleo grazed her back, and by this morning there was a nasty bruise developing there. This of course underlines the dangers inherent after suffering a stroke, when ones balance and muscles are suspect.

It also underlines the lack of resource that the NHS deals with on a daily basis. Ideally cleo should be escorted to the toilet by 2 nurses, making moving her out of the chair far simpler. If we insist this happens we may find that because there are not that number of staff available cleo may well be relegated to bed pans again. We are caught between a rock and a hard place on this one.

We will have at least some opportunity to address these and other issues to the consultant on Monday afternoon.

cleos brother arrived, and we chatted about Monday with him, as well as Sarah's impending driving test. He is an instructor in SW London and is taking Sarah for an intensive weekend of driving instruction before her test in a couple of weeks time. She feels pressured about passing now because she may have to drive her mum sometimes. Frankly, it doesn't matter too much, but i know she will feel she has let us down if she fails. What will be, will be.

Just before I left, two friends, again from the internet chat room we run, arrived. Like Alan last week, these are a couple we had never met in real life, and it is so uplifting to know that these people will take the time out of their busy lives to come and see cleo. Both she, and I appreciate their efforts very much.

I left about 4.30 to head to London and a nights work. Much as I hate leaving her, and being so far away all night the bills must still be paid, and I guess I am lucky in that I only work 3 nights, and get a fairly good wage for that.

It was a quiet sort of day, just marking time really, before the next week's work of physio, and meetings begins again. We are caught in that difficult place, as I said before where if we kick up too much fuss we may alienate ourselves, and more importantly cleo from those caring from her. Our concern of course is for her well being, but sometimes one can be too forceful, and make too much of something, ultimately causing the opposite effect. We have to achieve a balance, and our aim next week will be to do that, and to see some progress on all fronts, in terms of therapy, care, and rehabilitation.

Christmas is creeping up on us, and there is much to do before then to enable us to have a family celebration.

We will I am sure.

Dreamer

And every day I look at you, and
Every day there's something new
From twinkling eyes to softest skin
I really can't begin
to understand the hold you have
On me right now
And when oh when
Will dreams come true
for me and you.

A whispered call from day to day
And yet we're not that far away.
A message sent from here to there
Is all we've got for now.
But time will come when you and I
Will make the dreams reality

This was written by me for cleo when we first met online, and before we ever met real life. The fact we are apart again makes it rather poignant right now.