Day 28 - One Long Month

Rather than write the same as yesterday because that is how this weekend has been, I thought I would take this opportunity to talk about a few things that I have not yet touched on in these posts.

Is it really a month? Sometimes I think how fast it has gone, and at other times it seems like an age since that awful morning in November when cleo had her stroke. There is no doubt that an incident such as this is nothing short of a lifechanging moment. Our lives, and in that I include cleo, me, and the girls, will likely never be the same. The plans we made and the things we have promised to do with, and for each other, are probably no longer valid. Of course there will be new plans and promises, and many new experiences for us all.

With us whatever else comes, there is the constant of our love. I know that cleo has doubted on several occasions this last month whether she will ever be quite the same, in terms of our relationship, perhaps wondering whether i will still look on her as the same person. I can understand those fears, but she needs not worry. She is still my soulmate, and we are probably closer now than we were a month ago. There can never be anyone else for me, and that will never change.

I should mention cleo's daughters here too. They have been fantastic. At 17 and 11 years old to have their mother taken seriously ill, and to cope in the way they have is testament to their maturity and the way that cleo has brought them up. They have obviously been frightened for their mum, and there have been times when i know they have wished this never happened. However they have carried opn with their lives, and kept their school work together, not using this as an excuse. Hannah for example makes sure I take my blood pressure tablets every day, and Sarah is currently feeling the pressure of taking her driving test tomorrow, feeling that she may need to be able drive her mum about for a while at least, and if she fails then she will have let us down. Not at all.

Sarah has also agreed to take on the responsibility of staying at the house with her mum when I am at work, and that in itself is a big decision. There have been some questions raised by the care team about whether Sarah is up to that, which I know rather upset Sarah. I also know that she is more than capable, and I have no qualms about leaving cleo with her when I have to go to work. I will also make it perfectly clear to anyone who questions that decision that we as a family are ultimately responsible and Sarah WILL look after her mum, and will do a great job too.

For those who have read this diary through the last four weeks there have, as you know, been times when we have had to question the clinical decisions, and the level of some of the care which has been provided for cleo. Now, overall I must say that this is not the norm; the care and attention is mostly excellent, but if one accepts that the standards should be as high as they are, we also have a right to question those areas which fall below that high standard too. This we have done, and it seems that it has improved certain areas that in my opinion were less than perfect. My sole concern is for cleo's well being, but if my pointing out something on her behalf improves the lot of others too, then so much the better.

It is unusual these days for many people to actually spend 4 weeks in hospital, as current practise seems to favour getting patients out of the hospital, and back home, where they are more comfortable. It is also important that cleo gets as much benefit as possible from the care team before coming home. Their criteria is that while a patient is improving as a result if the intensive daily therapy they can offer then hospital is the place to be, and discharge is really only given when such improvements that can be achieved are complete. They say that because of cleo's fighting quality, and her age (50 is relatively young of course for a stroke) she has great potential to recover which is as yet unfulfilled; the downside of this is the stay in hospital becomes extended. It's a trade off i suppose, although cleo is more than a little stir crazy right now.

And what of me? well I am a little tired, but I will continue to do whatever is needed to make cleo's and the girl's lives as easy, and as ordered as possible. I am looking forward to Christmas Eve, and bringing cleo home, if only for a few days, so we can spend some time together, in private, and not have to be parted because visiting has finished. Having her at home for Christmas is the best present I could have, and while having to return to the hospital after the holiday may be more difficult, it can be looked upon as a necessary "evil" which we may have to endure for a few weeks longer.

Another important part of the recovery that cleo has achieved is down to family and friends, and their unfailing support and encouragement. We have been inundated with good wishes, cards and e-mails, along with phone calls and even visits at the hospital. When we see that level of support, some of it from people we only know from the internet, and who we have never met, it gives huge strength, and this can only help to promote recovery for cleo. To those friends and family we want to say a big big Thank You.

There have been many highs and lows this last month, many tears, and laughter too, and I genuinely believe that this family has become closer through this episode. We don't know yet what the next few weeks and months will bring, and what level of recovery cleo will ultimately make, but what i do know, is that she will get the best of everything she needs. There will no doubt be more highs and lows in the weeks to come, but the love we all have will get us through this.