CLEO was so tired today. I am not sure quite why, but she seemed totally drained, with no energy. I know that tiredness can be a real factor in recovery from things like stroke, but today she just seemed so "out of sorts", not her usual self.
More and more we are becoming accepting of the reality that her arm and hand may not recover at all, and perhaps the realisation of this was getting her down. I really do not know quite what to do in these situations, because when i see her like this it hurts me so much. You wish there was some magic formula that could make it all go away, and yet you know there isn't. I am sure that tomorrow she will be back to her normal self.
We nearly didn't go to physio this afternoon because cleo felt so unwell, but I couldn't get James on the phone so we went anyway, and this led to some tears when he accidentally hurt her fingers while working on her hand. That too was simply a result of feeling unwell I think.
Today of course was an exception, but what hurts me the most is seeing this wonderful woman, whom i love so much, reduced to a shadow of what she was, and i am powerless to do anything about it, except try and keep her spirits up. I know that cleo will read this and I am directing the last part of this entry specifically to her.
To my dear cleo,
I know it's hard but you have to be strong, you have to fight and fight and keep fighting. You cannot let this beat you, and no matter how tired you get, there will be good times again, and we can share all those things we planned before 21st November last year. I will always be here to do whatever you need me to do, and you must remember that.
I love you more today than yesterday, but not as much as I will tomorrow.
Love you.
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