Days 138, 139, 140, 141 - Outside the box

Coming to terms with stroke is in many ways like grieving: there is a sense of loss, on a very personal level, and as Ann Lewis says, once you can come to terms with that loss, and wake up each day looking forward and not thinking about what was, or might have been, then you can really begin to move forward. I am not sure that within the emotional creatures which we humans are, there is the capacity to reduce totally that feeling, because in some ways we do need an emotional outlet.

What I do notice in cleo this week is a change in the way she is approaching many things. She is regaining her capacity to think about, and discuss longer term future plans. We talked about our ideas for the next house we might buy, which is something we have not done since the stroke (at least not in such a positive light). She has also discussed with James about the management of her arm and hand over the coming years, rather than weeks and months. This is an indicator that she is moving away from those dark thoughts that surrounded her during the weeks immediately after 21st November. At that time she was so much more focussed on the "now" rather than the future, because at that time maybe she didn't see much of a future.

The weekend's work is finished again and we are together for another few days. For us, weekdays are our weekends.

Tomorrow we have to attend the consultant's clinic, and we shall see what he has to say. As you might have guessed from previous entries in here I am less than impressed with the overall way in which the NHS works, and the effectiveness of the follow-up after discharge. As I have said before, if we don't manage the rehabilitation process I think it is unlikely that anyone else will.

After the appointment with the consultant, we are also scheduled to see James for some more physio too. I do believe that cleo's new-found attitude regarding making use of what she has, rather than trying to kick start something she has not got, has altered James' stance too: he seems to be focussing on the ways that cleo might harness the involuntary movements in her arm, and to help her learn how to control those better. It may be that he is thinking "outside the box" a little more, and if that creates results for us, and for others too, then that is good.

I am very much a fan of seeing the bigger picture, and looking at all the possibilities which might effect some good or bad in things. Trying to understand how all these factors fit together is not easy, but there can be great benefit from at least pondering the various aspects from time to time. Very often, a particular route may work for you, but for no one else, and unless you see that route yourself, others might discount it based on their own experience.

Never be afraid to think "outside the box"