Day 149 - Emotions

However well we know, or think we know someone, they will always surprise us. Today was an example of that. A while ago, cleo seemed to come to terms with the adaptability idea, that is, to adapt and use what movement she had in her arm and try to harness that in a controlled way.

In physio this morning James was working on her shoulder and arm, and all of a sudden there were tears. It was almost as if the dam that had been holding them back for weeks had broken. Quite what triggered this i am not sure, although it seemed to revolve around the "hopelessness" of cleo's present inability to move her hand and to keep her arm still, rather than see it "flop" around.

So what to do?

My job in this whole exercise is to support, care for, love, help, push and nurture cleo, but sometimes it's hard to know how much. Sure I can push her to do the exercises, I can try and work with her to achieve some results, and I can even point out the improvements that sometimes she cannot see, but in all this the real dilemma is that I don't want to make her unhappy, or to think that I am pushing her for my own selfish reasons. That of course is not true and never will be.

So, tears wiped away we start again, and shortly after there are more. James answers the "why bother?" question this time: "because if there was no hope of any progress I wouldn't be seeing you. There is some flickering in the inactive muscles and there is a good chance of that improving"

It hurts me terribly ( I know I have said this before) to see her upset, but I have to, at least to some extent, push cleo, if only for her own good, and to continue to facilitate improvements in her situation. The balance that has to be struck is between the physical pushing and the mental exhaustion. I know she gets tired, and I know she finds everything so frustrating, but if we don't push the limits of what is there no improvement will ever happen, at least not for a long time. While the body does heal itself i am convinced we can help it, and the physiotherapy, along with the family and support around her is there to do that for cleo.

Everything in cleos life right now (and mine too) revolves around her rehabilitation, and the emotional stress of that will sometimes overflow. We (me and the girls) have to try to make that as painless for cleo as we can. Emotions of course play a big part in all this, and they cannot be ignored, but sometimes they are very difficult to deal with.