Day 7 - Determination

The first week is gone by, and frankly I never want another 7 days like this in my life again!

That said, thank goodness cleo is a little more settled now and as I said yesterday, accepting of the situation. She now has to channel her energy into getting better. So that's the plan for this week; ruffle a few feathers if needs be, ask pertinent questions, and get a bit of action on cleo's behalf. She did say to me at visiting this afternoon that she is now ready to start the process of getting herself well enough to come home, and that is her goal now. She is back to the determined and stubborn cleo that I fell in love with four years ago. Several times this afternoon she said that all she wants now is to show the doctors that she can come home as soon as possible.

There is some feeling coming back in her arm and leg although no movement as yet, but it would appear that the nerves are starting to recover from the trauma, and with luck, and hard work she will be up and home soon. What we now have to do is face the undoubted struggle of rehabilitation: sitting up, walking, going to the toilet, and all those things which we all take for granted. Until such time as she can do all that again for herself, coming home is not an option.

It will be a very tough and no doubt extended struggle, but cleo's willpower is immense and I know she will overcome all the bad things.

The Hunt for Red Oktober...

There is a lady in the bed opposite who has been visited this week by her family, two of whom (her sons i think) look like they have just stepped off a Russian submarine. Big guys they are with beards, and foreign accents. We have laughed several times these past few days, with the girls, in an effort to make the visiting as lighthearted as possible, saying that these people are Russian spies, and they are infiltrating the Health Service. We whisper at each other in Russian accents. The woman herself who has yet to speak, is known to the girls as Red Oktober, because she cannot possibly be Mrs Spencer from Broadstairs, that is merely a cover. We have blown that cover and are watching, waiting for the moment when we can foil their dastardly plans to escape back to Moscow with our NHS secrets. Her supposed daughter even visited today, and she is no doubt some Mata Hari type, prepared to do anything to gain the confidence of Kevin, a male nursing assistant on the ward.

More updates on Red Oktober soon.

While we miss terribly the togetherness that is such a special part of our relationship, the physical contact as well as the emotional is so important to both of us i genuinely feel a new and even greater intimacy between us from these past few days. When you look at the love of your life, your soulmate, with all those emotions in her eyes, fear, love, wanting, dread, the questions that are unspoken which say "please take me home" and "why has this happened to me"; when that person is open , and emotionally stripped before you, and it is seemingly impossible to do anything to help them overcome that fear there is one constant that remains for me. When cleo looks into my eyes and i see her love, I see her looking to me for direction and calm, and i am honoured that she feels able to trust me like she does. Even the nurses have remarked how she hangs on my every word, and how much she looks forward to me arriving each day.

To be loved with that intensity of feeling is so remarkable, and so special that I feel privileged that she has, and continues to love me in the way that she does. may it long continue. Thank you my cleo, for loving me in a way I have never been loved before, and in a way that i could not even imagine were possible.

The girls are at their dad's now, and it is so quiet in the house. Usually its noisy, and we moan about that, but Oh! how I wish it was noisy here right at this minute. Time for me to make dinner, and relax in preparation for the next week of the Road to Recovery which will continue to be documented here day by day.