Day 1 - 999... and all that...

Yesterday morning, at about 0930 we were sitting in the lounge, chatting. Arrangements were afoot for Christmas holidays as I was in the process of getting time off work over Christmas....all was happy with our world.

Suddenly cleo's voice began to slur, and she looked "odd" for a moment. I suggested she sit on the setee, but she couldn't move. I knew at that moment, when i tried to help her move that she was having a stroke. I was gripped with fear because I am naturally a "worse case scenario" person.

I got her on the couch, and she couldn't maintain an upright position. Her left arm and leg were paralysed, and her speech was all slurry. I dialled 999, and got an ambulance. they arrived within about 10 minutes.

The Road to Recovery had started.

Now, we decided that rather than go in the ambulance i would take the car, to enable me to get back home easier. Thereby hangs the first problem: arriving at the hospital car park one has to pay, no exceptions. That is if you can find a bloody parking space! so, scrabbling round for £1.70 i get the ticket and finally get the car in a place.

So, its into A & E and the long wait, which of course is how it is. Luckily, as cleo came in an ambulance we bypass the standard queue, and she is wheeled into the waiting area and the fact also that this is a stroke incident the doctor examines her fairly quickly, within about 30 minutes. We sit and I struggle to understand what cleo is saying because her voice is slurred, and several times we both end up in tears of frustration. I kiss her, and she hangs onto me with her good arm, and she says "please take me home". This also brings tears to my eyes, and a lump to my throat because even at this point I know that this is not going to happen, and i am powerless to do anything about it.

After many examinations and questions the decision is taken to admit cleo to the CDU (Clinical Decision Unit), attached to the A & E, for further assessment.

CDU ward

So we are 6 hours along the road and cleo is in a ward which is simply an assessment area, to enable further observations to be made. I get in there and cleo is desperate to go to the toilet. Remember she cannot walk, or even sit up, and the staff suggest the only way is to lay on a bed pan.....

cleo is unable to do this, and they say "try harder".

So, I suggest a commode, and I will lift her onto it myself. At first I encounter much resistance but by very diplomatic and forceful reasoning, and an assurance that I am taking responsibility they agree; all through this time my cleo is desperate to go to the toilet, and I am getting very very mad! However I keep calm, and eventually they bring the commode, which by some careful manoeuvering I place my cleo onto, and she is more relaxed afterwards than she has been for some hours.

Telling the kids

This all happened of course after the kids had gone to school. At this point they don't know about their mum, and so I come home from the hospital before they get home from school.
When they arrive home I have to sit them down and explain their mum, whom they love more than anyone, is in hospital. The inevitable tears ensue, mostly caused because they are having to deal with something new, which they don't understand and which frankly scares them silly: the thought of losing their mum.

So, we set off to the hospital and I have explained carefully how cleo is unable to move, and that she has trouble speaking clearly. A good choice because they are forewarned, and ready.

I watch them carefully as they see her for the first time, and the trepidation melts away because they see their mum, and while she is immobile, and rather difficult to understand there is a sense of relief too, because she is still their mum and not some unrecognisable monster. They hug and kiss, and cleo becomes a little emotional too, to see her kids. We bought flowers on the way to the hospital, and these are dutifully arranged in a vase by the youngest.

Sleep finally

With our goodbyes said its home to sort the kids for the evening, and chips from the chip shop on the way. Life must continue and school looms tomorrow so its off to bed for them at sensible times.

Now I have not said yet but I work nights, and my shift means that I presently work Friday Saturday and Sunday nights each week. So having got home on monday morning at about 0830 an hour before the stroke happened I had not slept at all since sunday afternoon. I finally sat on the couch and dozed for a while. At eleven thirty I crawled into bed, our bed, which we share and which is far too big to sleep in alone. Sleep came quickly.